Love affair at work- this is a romantic relationship that is tied up between colleagues. Mutual sympathy, which can develop into serious relationships or relationships limited only to sexual intimacy, can arise both between colleagues who are on the same rung of the career ladder, and between a boss and a subordinate.
Causes of office romance
The reasons for the emergence of office romances are not much different from the reasons for the emergence of romantic and intimate relationships between a man and a woman that are not related to work within the same organization. The alchemy of love is very multifaceted and individual, depending on many factors. However, workaholism or simply forced to spend a lot of time at the workplace can become a prerequisite for the emergence of an office romance. As a result, potential partners simply have no other options than to start an affair with a colleague who turns out to be in close proximity and accessibility.
The Benefits of an Office Romance
Office romances, subjects who decide on them, provide many advantages:
- the opportunity to spend more time together (for example, at lunch, smoke breaks, coffee breaks);
- if you meet with your immediate supervisor, then this can give certain indulgences in work, indulgence for your mistakes and shortcomings, career advancement and pay increases;
- meeting with a work colleague, you have more common topics for conversations related to work moments;
- you will immediately have a common circle of acquaintances, including other members of your work team;
- working in the same organization, you can help each other, replace each other if necessary;
- working at the same site, you get the opportunity to go on joint business trips;
- in the end, your office romance may culminate in the creation of a family and further bonuses in the form of joint travel to and from work, greater mutual understanding about overtime and forced business trips.
Possible negative consequences of an office romance
Despite a number of advantages, office romances are more often perceived with a negative connotation and with a certain apprehension.
Even if your relationship with a colleague develops in the best way, being together both at home and at work, it can be psychologically difficult. The couple can quickly get tired of each other. In addition, being under the scrutiny of your partner's attention during work hours, you automatically forfeit the right to innocent and sometimes pleasant flirting with other colleagues of the opposite sex.
Unfortunately, not all close relationships with a colleague of the opposite sex have a happy ending, and parting with a fellow lover can sometimes be painful and unpleasant. In this case, the situation is aggravated by the fact that you have to see the object of your suffering every day. Sometimes it is so unpleasant and unbearable that you simply find yourself forced to quit and look for a new job or apply for a transfer to another area where you would have less contact with the object of recent desire that is unpleasant to you.
A former lover-colleague does not always turn out to be a noble person, and after parting, he can throw mud at you in the eyes of your other colleagues. The details of your intimate relationship may become the property of the entire workforce and cause disdain or ridicule in your direction.
Even more difficult if the ex-lover is your immediate supervisor. If your separation does not go entirely smoothly, then you may be subjected to a flurry of nit-picking and comments on your work, which is far from always fair. In retaliation, the boss can demote you, reduce your pay, fill you with fines for the slightest misconduct, and eventually fire you.
Be that as it may, any relationship between two people in love is fraught with an unpleasant break. But this is not a reason not to pay attention to a work colleague you like. Perhaps it is he who will become the man of your whole life, fill it with meaning and make you the happiest woman in the world. And for the sake of this, it is worth taking the risk of having an office romance.
Popular feature films about office romances
- Office Romance (USSR);
- "Secretary" (USA);
- "Business Girl" (USA);
- Bridget Johnson's Diary (USA);
- "The Fifth Power" (USA);
- "Proposal" (USA);
- "Indecent Proposal" (USA) and others.
Links
- Romance with the boss: take a chance?! , women's magazine myJane.ru
- Office romance, women's social network myjulia.ru
What could be more banal than an office romance? Office romances have always been and always will be. Loving and sleeping where you work is a taboo for many, in addition, love terribly interferes with a career. But, despite the outwardly negative attitude of most people to office romances, the statistics are inexorable: at least every third Russian at least once in his life started a relationship at work.
They cannot be banned and sometimes difficult to avoid, since we spend the bulk of our conscious life at work surrounded by colleagues. And we cannot always protect ourselves from feelings that suddenly flared up at this very job.
Relationships on schedule and secretly from colleagues, and possibly from their legal spouse or spouse, often end as quickly as they began. The consequences can bring a lot of disappointment to each of the participants in the office romance. On the other hand, it can serve as the foundation for creating a happy family or a new partnership in a joint business.
Is there any benefit to an office romance?
Romantic relationships at work, of course, increase productivity, if, of course, they are mutual. People try to please each other not only externally, but also with the help of their professional achievements. A healthy spirit of competition helps to improve and climb the career ladder.
However, there is another side of the coin. When love and sympathy develop into a desire for revenge and destruction. Such relationships become a problem for the whole team. No more romance and adventure. In such a situation, it is important to stay afloat for everyone, and, most importantly, to manage with minimal losses.
A wise leader, of course, will choose the side of the most valuable employee, while the one who is weaker will most likely be forced to give in or simply quit. Therefore, there are situations when a colleague who is more confident in his positions begins to persecute another, demanding reciprocity and the provision of sexual services.
Some, on the contrary, do not see anything special in this and are happy to conclude such deals for the purpose of career growth.
Why do relationships start to deteriorate?
Not everything and not always in any relationship can go smoothly. Is it worth it to start an office romance, the question is ambiguous. Indeed, there are many reasons both for and against it. Sexual attraction and passion are rarely the key to a lasting union.
For some, maintaining such connections is not difficult and even becomes a habit. Someone decides on a close relationship with a colleague because of hopelessness and loneliness. Rivalry and competition at work can cause relationships to break.
Work is work, because everyone expects an increase in wages and promotion. It's not easy to come to terms with being a loser. In a large team, getting lost, of course, is easier. In the small, there are more chances to receive recognition due to their merits and experience, thereby avoiding humiliating offers.
Is a happy ending possible?
You can hope and even count on a long-term relationship with your colleague. Successful development of events brings joy and inspires lovers. The consequences of an unsuccessful office romance can unsettle a person for a long time. Moreover, if in other novels you can find an outlet in the work, then in this case such a number, of course, will not work. You will have to suffer and experience both at home and at work.
A lasting and real office romance, of course, can lead to the formation of a family. By the way, no one will judge such a couple. Sexual relations that are established between employees who have husbands or wives are not welcome, and may be a reason for dismissal.
Corporate events, business trips, common work on projects and closing deals can provoke an intimate relationship. They can also rally people, becoming the foundation of true friendship. It is impossible to count on the fact that love attachments remain strong and forever. Feelings are beyond the control of reason, which is why so many couples converge and diverge, then converge again, but with others. This process is inevitable and continuous, like life itself.
In an office romance, you need to build relationships, like in any other. You need to learn to take responsibility for your actions, and be able to love without demanding anything in return. It is impossible to tell the heart not to love a person simply because he is your colleague. However, it is possible to make a choice between the happiness of loving and being loved, and achievements in professional growth.
Before you start an office romance, think about its consequences!
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The article describes tips that will help you understand all the features and subtleties of the novel at work. Rules of conduct are also provided to help you maintain your position on the career ladder.
Features and conditions of the novel at work
In today's world, work takes a huge amount of time. Many simply do not have another place to build relationships. People start an affair at work in the hope that they will find real feelings. But this format of relations has its own characteristics.
First, love feelings should not interfere with work. Coming there, you need to clearly separate personal relationships and professional activities. Relationships should help improve performance and development, not get in the way.
Secondly, you should not start an affair out of boredom, because this can lead to negative consequences. There is no need to play with the feelings of people, especially with those with whom you will still have to be close in the future.
Let's find out how to behave when having an affair at work. There are a few simple recommendations that will help you avoid getting into an awkward situation and attract each other even more:
- . To begin with, it is important to understand that such relationships are significantly different from all others. The thing is that people will spend together almost the whole day. As a result, the likelihood of a situation where the couple simply gets tired of each other increases. Therefore, in your free time, you should diversify your days as much as possible. It is necessary to find common interests and try to pay regular attention to them. At the same time, they should not be from the sphere of business interests of partners.
- Appearance. In order not to annoy your partner, you need to look good even during working hours. As for the girls, don't forget to put on make-up for work, wear beautiful dresses and heels. Remember that men always love with their eyes, and this applies to all representatives of the strong half of humanity, without exception.
- Only work at work! You should not flirt, show feelings during working hours in front of colleagues. This can be annoying and is also likely to anger the boss. Work is not the place where you need to show your emotions and spiritual impulses.
Advantages and disadvantages of an office romance
Office romance has a special specificity with its own advantages and disadvantages. The advantages of such a relationship:
- Regular intimacy. One of the main advantages is that people are constantly next to each other. You can always be in sight, but if necessary, disappear. The partner will not become jealous of his loved one, as he will see everything with his own eyes, he will not have the thought of “thinking out” the development of relations with another person at work. Agree that this is how you can avoid a huge number of disagreements and jealousy.
- Taking care of your appearance. If the adored person is always there, then you can no longer afford to come disheveled, wrinkled, dirty, unkempt, without a haircut, etc. An office romance will be a good incentive to take care of yourself and keep your figure in perfect condition.
- Incentive to get to work. If a loved one waits there, then the alarm clock that rings in the morning will not be so terrible and nasty. High spirits, the joy of spending time together, a smile on your face have a great effect not only on relationships with people, but also on professional performance.
- Love. This is an incentive that pushes for growth, including professional growth. A native person nearby pushes for improvement, it is easier to solve problems with him, because a couple is not competitors to each other.
The office romance has a huge number of positive aspects, but also its drawbacks that you need to be aware of:
- Everyone will know about it. No matter how much the couple wants to hide their relationship, sooner or later colleagues will find out about them, and this will become a common virtue. During this period, it is very important to take the right position and not perceive provocations. The development of relations will take place in front of the authorities and colleagues. It is important that they know as little as possible, because the relationship should be between two people, that is, personal. Otherwise, the life of lovers can become a topic for discussion and even ridicule.
- Aggression, envy from colleagues. Looking radiant and happy can irritate less successful and happy people. Many have not yet managed to find their soul mate, while others are simply unhappy in marriage, their candy-bouquet period is far behind. Constantly burning eyes of lovers can be infuriating. Therefore, try to show a minimum of loving gestures in the workplace.
- Cloud-walking, distraction and reduced productivity. The presence of a loved one at work can not only push for progress, but also rapidly slow down activity. This is due to the fact that in a fit of feelings, some can only think about them. It is for this reason that it is very important to distinguish between work and personal relationships, otherwise the wrath of the authorities cannot be avoided.
- Ugly breakup. Ending an office romance is much more difficult than any other. This is due to the fact that the former lover will always be there. In this case, you need to either separate from everything and forget the past, or change your job. In addition, the gap can be the first topic of discussion among colleagues and superiors.
- Problems with superiors. In many companies and firms, bosses do not approve of office romances, which can also negatively affect a career. Therefore, it is better to hide the relationship by all means. This will help to avoid dismissal and other troubles.
The main types of romance in the workplace
There are several types of office romance. Each of them has its own characteristics. But in any case, there are important nuances, without which it is impossible to build normal relations.
Romance with a married man
The most difficult and unpredictable can be safely called an affair at work with a married man. Firstly, such relationships are initially dishonest and carry a negative trait. Secondly, you must always keep everything a secret, and hiding feelings from colleagues can be extremely difficult.
Such a romance has only two options for the outcome: a married man will file for divorce or stay with his lawful wife. As practice shows, most often preference is given to the second option. Ladies who are bored with a monotonous life can choose such a model of relationships without counting on something more. But in this case, it is very difficult to maintain a good relationship after the end of the novel.
As for work colleagues, they are usually divided into two "camps": some will watch what is happening with interest, the second will condemn, intrigue, try to convey to the authorities and even the wife of their beloved the real state of affairs.
Important! Of course, you can’t command your heart, but you should understand that an affair with a married man will not bring anything good, since the percentage of happy and at the end is negligible. But the reputation will be solidly damaged.
Romance with a colleague
According to statistics, about forty percent of people admit that they had a similar format of relationships. As a rule, they work on one thing, have common interests, and constant pastime in a close circle can become a reason for sympathy.
When an affair began with a work colleague, you should not rush things, everything has its time. Try to get to know the person better, his preferences, hobbies, what he does after work and how he lives. This makes it much easier to avoid unwanted disagreements in the future.
When working in the same room, it is extremely important to restrain your love impulse. Leave it for home decor. The variant of the relationship with a colleague is the most convenient, because in this case the conditions are equal.
If the relationship is already serious enough, and the couple decided to tell the team about them, then this must be done as discreetly as possible. It is not necessary to devote everyone to the details, it is enough just to say about the fact itself. Many may ask why do this. Everything is very simple: if you report the relationship in time, you can avoid a lot of rumors and discussions behind your back.
An affair with a work colleague happens most often. If this is not a relationship yet, but a casual intimate relationship, it is better to never tell anyone about it. After all, it is unlikely to contribute to the transition from a light hobby to a serious format of communication.
With boss
Get ready for the fact that such relationships will be discussed. When starting an affair with your boss, remember that if it ends, you will most likely have to quit. Plus, any promotion or bonus will not be perceived as a well-deserved reward.
All achievements will be perceived as merit in bed, not personal. Romance at work with the boss causes the most attention from colleagues and employees. Many believe that people do this solely for selfish purposes in order to climb the career ladder.
The main disadvantage of relations with the boss is the almost complete absence of a future perspective. Of course, everyone wants to marry the boss, but not all of the fair sex reach this line. Much more often, a girl becomes just another mistress for a while. For many men, this format of relationships is very convenient for sex. It’s good if a lady can interest a man and take the relationship beyond the office. In this case, there is a chance to really win his heart.
If the affair happened to a female boss, then it will be extremely difficult for a man to maintain his image. After all, a priori the boss is right, he can command and order. But not everyone is to their liking. And if a compromise is quickly found in everyday life, then at work the status will oblige the lady of the heart to behave in such a way as not to distinguish her partner from the rest of her colleagues.
Rules of conduct for an office romance
If there was an affair at work, then it is important to remember the basic rules of behavior for employees in love. Not only the future of relationships depends on this, but also career advancement.
So, let's look at them in more detail:
- Do not forget about work duty and professionalism. Learn to properly prioritize and put a line between your feelings. Remember, personal issues should never interfere with a work relationship. Personal disputes should remain at home and only between two people; other issues must be resolved within the office space. Also, you should never sort things out in front of colleagues.
- Consider the feelings of other employees. Very often, colleagues work on a particular project in small groups. So, some participants will help to feel uncomfortable next to the couple. Take into account the opinions of other people, because this will affect the overall result.
- Don't single out your loved one. This is especially true if one of the couple occupies a more leading position. It is very difficult not to single out your chosen one among other employees, because feelings take precedence, but this must be done so as not to disturb the harmony in the team. Try to maintain common sense and distance, which will help to avoid many troubles.
- Keep personal experiences, memories and intimate details to yourself. Do not discuss any problems in relations with colleagues. Most likely, after that there will be reconciliation and the establishment of relationships between partners, and stories about intimate moments and experiences will remain for general discussion.
Workplace Romance Options
Like any other novel, service relations have several options for development:
- Marriage. An ideal option for the development of relationships, in which long-term and harmonious love develops into a family. But it happens infrequently, because the cons of an office romance can interfere with a happy relationship. If the heart suggests that this person is a soul mate, then it is better to change the place of work for one of the couple. In this case, the likelihood of developing a happy relationship is much greater.
- Intimate connection. There are people who do not strive for long-term communication, they just need an additional incentive to go to work. As a rule, such an office romance initially does not continue, but carries an exclusively sexual connotation. It is often resorted to by partners who are married, but are tired of the routine of family relationships.
- Breakup with serious consequences. Since personal life is on public display, and the former, once beloved person is always there, when parting, one of the partners may need to change jobs. Only a few get along well with each other after a breakup, and questions from colleagues, sidelong glances and whispering will only add fuel to the fire.
Important! Remember that parting with the person who works with you in the same room has a number of difficulties. First, you need to learn how to find a common language even after a quarrel. Secondly, the former lover will be in sight all the time, and in some cases this interferes with the development of new relationships.
Watch a video about workplace romance:
Office romance has both positive and negative aspects. Each person chooses for himself personally whether to follow this path or not. You should not be initially skeptical about an office romance, because many happy families are formed that way. In addition, feelings inspire a person to wonderful actions, fill him with happiness and allow him to look positively at everything around him. These components have a good effect on career advancement. Therefore, starting an office romance in some cases is useful and simple, but we must not forget about the consequences.
An office romance without consequences or the consequences of an office romance! 81% of personnel officers believe that office romances are dangerous for companies. They serve as an additional source of conflict. And 74% believe that employees should be held accountable for romantic hobbies within the office. At the same time, employers understand that love affairs cannot be avoided in companies. One can only try to minimize their negative effects. The company inevitably suffers losses if lovers work side by side. The management of many companies compromises, and is much more tolerant of office romances if the lovers work in different departments.
Office romance without consequences. Consequences of an office romance.
Many believe that in such cases people do not interfere with each other to do business, and the company does not care about their personal relationships. However, squabbles and the inability to focus on work are far from the worst consequences of an office romance. The case takes a much more serious turn when it comes to industrial espionage. For example, a beautiful and young secretary comes to the company, seduces the boss, learns from him all the secrets of the company, and then quits and takes confidential information to a competitor. The situation is trivial, but quite common. Women speak in a different way. They do not clearly separate work and home and are ready to be with their loved ones everywhere. Moreover, many ladies have nothing against office romances and marriages with colleagues precisely because they see their betrothed all day long, they know everything about his affairs and relationships with people around him. Unfortunately, this is what often gives rise to unnecessary jealousy and conflicts from scratch.
Office romance, Office romance without consequences, Consequences of office romance, office romance stories, office romance development options
Psychologists believe that there is no cure for office romances. You can, of course, separate lovers into different departments, you can reduce work requirements and prepare for unpleasant conflicts in the team. But in reality nothing can be changed. Office romances are indestructible and will still exist, because such is human nature. However, career experts say that there is still a way out. Unnecessary conflicts can be avoided if you behave correctly at work and do not allow emotions to overcome the mind. An office romance cannot be kept a secret, especially if the relationship in a couple has become serious. As soon as colleagues suspect that you are dating someone in the office, it is better to go and be honest about your relationship with your boss. Together you will be able to find an acceptable way out. Experts do not advise having affairs with superiors or subordinates. Do not get close to a work colleague right away, even if you have a strong attraction to him. To avoid embarrassing situations, do not meet with colleagues in the department, the expert advises.
And if the relationship does not add up, then it is better not to lead the situation into a dead end and discuss in advance how you will exist in the same job after the break. Love encounters should not take place in the office or in office elevators. At work, don't kiss, hold hands, or call each other affectionate names. Meanwhile, most companies, even in the United States, do not follow the love relationships of their employees at all. Only 12% of workers surveyed by researchers from the American Managers Association said their companies had policies in place regarding office romance. However, an unsuccessful love affair can have consequences, as it is fraught with a sexual harassment lawsuit. To avoid trouble, some employers force employees to sign so-called love agreements.
How to end an office romance with a boss at work correctly and without negative consequences
It so happened that a woman spends quite a large part of her life at work. For some, work is not just an empty word and an occupation for which we get money, but for some females, work is a matter and the meaning of life, and career growth is the main goal and cherished dream. But a woman is still not a soulless robot, and under a strong-willed and strict personality there is always a subtle and fragile nature that needs warmth, love and care. Sometimes it happens that due to a small amount of free time, dedicated women find a partner at work. Girls do not know what an office romance with a boss is. It can be a regular clerk, your colleague or even a boss. Such relationships, as a rule, are several times more serious and dangerous than relationships outside of work, because your personal life is put on public display. But what to do if the feelings are extinguished, and you feel that it is time to leave, but you are scared? You are afraid that gossip will creep, followed by sidelong glances and condemnation from employees. There are many development scenarios and stories of office romances at work. In this article, we will discuss what to do and how to behave during breakups with your colleague.
Office romance at work: dot the i's
The first thing you need to do is to clearly resolve this issue with the subject of your faded sympathies. Talk honestly and frankly, do not build scandals, because at work this can turn against you. No one should be woven into your personal relationships, employees do not need to know all the details.
Of course, colleagues in the office are a second family, but you must admit that gossip and sidelong glances are not a very pleasant thing. You should agree that both of you will behave as if nothing had happened. If you are breaking up by mutual agreement, this should not be a problem, but if your partner still has romantic feelings for you, talk honestly and frankly about why and why you should break up. Ask to be treated with understanding and try not to catch the eye for a while. If you are abandoned, have patience and real courage. Keep your feelings under lock and key, no one at work will care how much you hurt, gossip and rumors will immediately creep in, so keep your mouth shut and don't pretend that something has changed. A violent hurricane of emotions will provide excellent food for discussions of your personal life over lunch.
Keep everything under wraps
We have already briefly mentioned how important it is to keep all the details of your personal life private. You should not discuss your feelings with anyone at work. First, it will affect the productivity and quality of work for you and your colleagues. Secondly, gossip is transmitted with lightning speed with the effect of a damaged phone. You will be surprised how much you will learn about yourself in a couple of days. If you value your reputation and that of your ex-boyfriend, keep your mouth shut and continue to work with a straight face as if nothing had happened. This will help you avoid the ridiculous and untruthful office romance stories that have happened to you.
Often, bosses do not like the fact that colleagues start novels, because this affects the quality of work. To avoid stressful situations and unnecessary problems with the boss, try not to say anything superfluous.
Office romance with boss
If you have an affair with the boss, then things are a little more complicated, especially if you are the initiator of the breakup. If your boss is a very emotional subject, don't be afraid to lose your job. After you explain the reason and background for your action, make sure that you are not going to be fired in the heat of the moment. If, nevertheless, there is at least a small fraction of the likelihood of such an incident, enlist the support of colleagues. It's time to remember the collective mind and its support. No one will fire you if there are a couple of employees behind your back who will be on your side. You will be the victim and your boss will be the bad wolf.
If you are the boss and your subordinate is your lover, again discuss this sensitive issue. An offended ex-boyfriend can say a lot of unnecessary details to other colleagues, you will lose credibility and reputation among your subordinates. Do not see the tricks and possible blackmail. Threaten with dismissal, in case of a riot on the ship, which may be initiated by your ex-partner.
corporate events
Try to avoid corporate events and all sorts of parties with your colleagues for a while. Alcohol and a broken heart are just a nuclear mixture, the combination of which can lead to an irrevocable loss of reputation. Behave decently, even if you decide to go to a corporate party, do not overdo it with alcohol, so as not to tear your hair out in the morning for the consequences of the past evening. You will simply be surprised at the lightning speed with which gossip spreads, you will hear the quiet whisper of gossip about you around every corner from the hallway to the toilet. Therefore, never lose your temper and head, keep yourself and your feelings in a tight rein and do not get entangled in ridiculous situations and stories. An office romance at work is a delicate matter that requires special care.
Career
Never do anything out of spite or rashly. if you are thrown, do not lower yourself and do not do dirty tricks and nasty things to your offender. This will cause unnecessary attention and discussion of your person. Do not take revenge and gossip. Always keep your pride and be human. Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
If you have been abandoned and it is unbearably painful for you to see the object of your adoration next to you every day, you should not even think about dismissal. Remember that everything passes and everything is forgotten. In a couple of months, you will be laughing at the thought of how stupid you were when you suffered so much because of a failed romance. Remember that such a negative feeling as a broken heart is an excellent generator both in creativity and in work. Work helps to distract, direct your energy in the right direction, and you will immediately find yourself in the forefront among candidates for promotion.
Appearance
If you are depressed, your heart is broken, and your eyes are teary, remember that no one at work is interested in your experiences. No one cares what you feel or how much it hurts. Nobody likes to see a crying sad person next to them, so at home you can cry and roar, eat tons of chocolates, but at work always remain a beautiful, stylish and strong woman. Strong people always inspire and command respect. And you respect yourself and others, do not show your inner feelings to anyone, share your feelings with your friends over a glass of red wine or on Twitter, but at work be strong and proud, always full of energy and strength.
It is worth understanding the seriousness of office romances, in most cases, sadly, they end very badly, but sometimes there are good happy endings in which people get married and create a full-fledged family. In any case, before starting this mess and starting any relationship, and not necessarily even at work, you should get to know the person, be 100% sure of his honesty. It is better not to start fleeting intrigues, because people are vindictive creatures and if they are used and thrown away, the imprint in the mind will remain colossal. It is worth defining for yourself a clear line between work and personal life and never mix them into one whole in order to avoid headaches and broken hearts. But the last choice is always yours.
Take the test
Your lover came home from work in a gloomy mood and answers your questions in monosyllables. What is your first thought?
