Bad advice
Based on the poems of G. Oster
Dance "In Every Little Child"
1: Scientists have recently discovered that there are naughty children in the world who do everything the other way around.
2: They are given useful advice: “Wash your face in the morning”
3: And they take it and don’t wash it.
4: They are told: “Say hello to each other”
5: They immediately start not saying hello.
6: Scientists have come up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice.
7: They will do everything the other way around, and it will turn out just right.
8: These tips
All: For naughty children!
9: Why?
All: Never ask yourself stupid questions,
Otherwise, you will find an even more stupid answer to them.
If stupid questions appear in your head,
Ask them straight away to adults,
All: Let their brains crack.
Bad advice about school.
Plug your ears with cotton before the first of September
And relax in silence during lessons,
Watching with interest as a teacher at the blackboard
He opens his mouth silently and moves his lips.
How nice it will be to take the cotton wool out of your ears in May!
All: How spacious it will be for thoughts to tumble around in your head!
If you, without asking permission to enter,
In the middle of the lesson you run into the classroom,
Don't forget to tell the teacher strictly
That today you are unhappy with him again.
May he help his elderly parents
He will tell you to come to school tomorrow.
You will have a serious conversation with them,
Because it's no longer possible to forgive
These are his ugly tricks.
Why does he start the lesson without you?
All: Can't he wait for once?
Cautious children dress quietly
And they tiptoe to school every day,
Because they are afraid that their conscience will awaken
And he will pester you, bore,
All: And it will force you to study.
Bad advice about food.
For example, a bowl of porridge is offered to you in the morning.
They say that the vitamins in it are teeming to the bottom,
They say that nothing is healthier for the stomach
And for this you must love her with all your heart.
And in the morning you don’t want to look at this porridge,
In the morning, when you meet her, you want to close your eyes.
If you eat it without looking, then perhaps
All: Past the mouth
You will be able to eat many spoons of this porridge.
Not every child enjoys eating soup.
The soup can be unsweetened, and this is no secret.
But you can quietly put jam in the soup,
Pour a little honey and crumble the sweets.
Now add sugar and you are ready to pour.
All: No one will force you to eat such crap.
Bad advice about parents.
Often mother does not fulfill her promises,
But don’t be upset, offended or grumble:
If mom has to fulfill everything she promised,
I'm afraid you won't find a living place on your butt.
If school teacher I called my father
And persistently invited him to school,
To show him a cool magazine there,
Take your father to any kiosk
And say: “Well, why do you need to go to school?
All: So many cool magazines are published now!”
Try to catch your mother’s eye less often -
You never know what will come to her mind tomorrow.
Either he will force you to eat potatoes, or he will start combing your hair,
Maybe he’ll suddenly sneak up behind you and send you for milk,
Or he will jump out of the kitchen and send him to wash his hands...
All: No, it’s better never to meet this mother.
If you were walking around wearing a hat and then it disappeared,
Don’t worry, you can lie to your mom at home.
But try to lie beautifully, so that, looking admiringly,
Holding her breath, mom listened to the lies for a long time.
But if you lied about the lost hat,
That a spy took it from you in an unequal battle,
Try not to let mom go and be indignant.
To foreign intelligence
Everyone: They won’t understand her that way.
All: When the parents run in and start asking,
What were you thinking about when you were spitting out of the window,
He fed the vacuum cleaner salad,
He set fire to newspapers
And he pushed the porcelain service down from the balcony, -
All: Ask your parents:
But they themselves
What did you hope for when one day, suddenly,
Decided to have a boy and got you?
Bad advice about life.
If something happens and no one is to blame,
Don't go there, otherwise you will be guilty.
Hide somewhere on the sidelines, and then go home
All: And don’t tell anyone that you saw this.
If you get salad on your hands at lunch
And you’re embarrassed to wipe your fingers on the tablecloth,
Lower them unnoticed under the table and there it is calm
Wipe your hands
All: About the neighbor's pants.
If you couldn't find your country on the map,
Don't mourn your Fatherland - learn geography.
If you're about to get something out of your head,
First, see if there are any small children nearby.
If different ideas pop into your head,
Lock the doors quickly and call the police.
If they ask in class where homework,
Answer that it has gone wild and gone into the dense forest.
If there are too many people chasing you,
Ask them in detail why they are upset?
Try to console everyone, give everyone advice,
But there is absolutely no point in reducing the speed.
All: And most importantly!
When you wake up, the first thing you do is promise not to start
Nothing that you will continue today.
Before going to bed, ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it
Nothing like what you did all day today.
When you wake up, the first thing you do is
All: Promise not to continue...
Before going to bed, ask for forgiveness
All: And promise not to do...
On the first autumn day, on the day of knowledge, when schoolchildren sit down at their desks, how can you not remember that feeling when you are not just taught, but taught... It’s probably no coincidence that Grigory Oster, one of the authors of the website President of Russia for Citizens school age(http://www.uznay-prezidenta.ru/), wrote and published the collection “Bad Advice. A Book for Naughty Children and Their Parents,” beginning with these words:
“Recently, scientists discovered that there are naughty children in the world who do everything the other way around. They are given useful advice: “Wash your face in the morning,” but they take it and don’t wash it. They are told: “Say hello to each other,” but they immediately begin not to say hello. Scientists have come up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice. They will do everything the other way around, and it will turn out just right.”
| * * * If you're down the hall Ride your bike And towards you from the bathroom Dad went out for a walk Don't turn into the kitchen There is a solid refrigerator in the kitchen. Better brake like dad. Dad is soft. He will forgive. |
|
| * * * If your mom caught you |
|
* * * There is no more pleasant thing to do How to pick your nose Everyone is terribly interested What's hidden inside? And who is disgusted to look, Let him not even look. We don’t get in his way, Let him not bother you either. |
|
| * * * Born a girl - be patient |
|
| * * * Starting a fight with dad Starting a fight with mom, Try to surrender to your mother, - Dad takes no prisoners. By the way, find out from your mother, Has she forgotten? Beat prisoners on the butt with a belt Prohibited by the Red Cross. |
|
| * * * If you came to Yolka, |
|
| * * * Don't be upset if Calling mom to school Or dad. Don't be shy Bring the whole family. Let the uncles and aunts come And second cousins. If you have a dog, Bring her too. |
|
| * * * If you were walking around wearing a hat, And then she disappeared Don't worry, mom is home You can lie about something. But try to lie beautifully, So that, looking admiringly, Holding my breath, mom I listened to lies for a long time. But if you lied About the lost hat What is it in an unequal battle A spy took it from you, Try to mom I didn’t go to be indignant To foreign intelligence They won't understand her that way. |
|
| * * * Try not to mom To catch your eye - You never know what she's going to get Tomorrow it will come to mind. That will force you to eat potatoes, Then he will start combing his hair, Maybe suddenly sneak up from behind And send for milk. Or jump out of the kitchen And he will send you to wash your hands... No, it's better with this mom Never meet again. |
|
* * * If a friend's birthday |
|
* * * |
|
* * * Take thick cherry juice And my mother's white cloak. Gently pour the juice onto the cloak - You will get a stain. Now, so that there is no stain On my mother's cloak, The entire cloak must be put in Into thick cherry juice. Take your mother's cherry raincoat And a mug of milk. Pour the milk carefully - A stain will appear. Now, so that there is no stain On my mother's cloak, The entire cloak must be put in In a saucepan with milk. Take thick cherry juice And my mother's white cloak. Lay carefully... |
|
| * * * If you stayed at home |
|
* * * |
|
* * * If you broke a window, |
|
| * * * Never wash your hands Neck, ears and face. This is a stupid thing to do Doesn't lead to anything. Your hands will get dirty again Neck, ears and face. So why waste energy? Time to waste. It's also useless to get a haircut, It makes no sense: By old age by itself Your head will go bald. |
|
| * * * If he's chasing you |
|
* * * |
|
* * * If you are on the phone |
I don’t know about anyone, but I liked the advice, as well as the situations the author talks about...
I think that some poems from this book should not be read to children, even in the Year of Literature, they are only for parents!
I would like to congratulate on the First of September, first of all, all the parents who have been preparing for this day all summer! Summer is over even where the weather gave reason to doubt that it existed! There are many discoveries ahead that our students will present to us! Parents have only one thing left to do - be prepared for anything! Parents of schoolchildren and students, be prepared to understand and help your children! Happy start of the new school year!
Grigory Oster
HARMFUL ADVICE 1, 2, 3, 4
Bad advice 1
A book for naughty children and their parents
Scientists have recently discovered that there are naughty children in the world who do everything the other way around. They are given useful advice: “Wash your face in the morning” - they take it and don’t wash it. They are told: “Say hello to each other” - they immediately begin not to greet each other. Scientists have come up with the idea that such children should be given not useful, but harmful advice. They will do everything the other way around, and it will turn out just right.
This book is for naughty children.
Lost Child
Must remember that it's
They'll take you home as soon as
He will tell you his address.
We need to act smarter
Say: "I live
Near a palm tree with a monkey
On distant islands."
Lost child
If he's not a fool,
Will not miss the right opportunity
Visit different countries.
Hands never anywhere
Don't touch anything.
Don't get involved in anything
And don't go anywhere.
Move aside silently
Stand modestly in the corner
And stand quietly, without moving,
Until your old age.
Who hasn't jumped out of a window?
Together with my mother's umbrella,
That dashing parachutist
Doesn't count yet.
Don't fly like a bird
Above the excited crowd
Don't put him in the hospital
With a bandaged leg.
If the whole family goes swimming
You went to the river
Don't bother mom and dad
Sunbathe on the shore.
Don't start a scream
Give the adults a break.
Without pestering anyone,
Try to drown.
There is no more pleasant thing to do
What to pick your nose with.
Everyone is terribly interested
What's hidden inside?
And who is disgusted to look,
Let him not even look.
We don’t get in his way,
Let him not bother you either.
If your mom caught you
For what you love,
For example, while drawing
In the hallway on the wallpaper,
Explain to her what it is -
Your surprise for the Eighth of March.
The painting is called:
“Portrait of my dear mother.”
Don't take someone else's if
Strangers are looking at you.
Let them close their eyes
Or they’ll go out for an hour.
Why be afraid of your own people?
They won’t tell about their own people.
Let them look. Grab someone else's
And drag him to yours.
Never stupid questions
Don't ask yourself
Or even more stupid
You will find the answer to them.
If the questions are stupid
Appeared in my head
Ask them straight away to adults.
Let their brains crack.
Visit often
Theater buffet.
There are cakes with cream,
Water with bubbles.
Like firewood on plates
The chocolates are lying
And through a tube you can
Drink a milkshake.
Don't ask for tickets
To the balcony and to the stalls,
Let them give you tickets
To the theater buffet.
Leaving the theater
You will take it with you
Under a trembling heart,
In the stomach, a sandwich.
Born a girl - be patient
Trips and pushes.
And put your pigtails on everyone,
Who wouldn't mind pulling them?
But someday later
Show them the fig
And you will say: “Figurines, for you
I won’t get married!”
If you and your friends are together
Have fun in the yard
And in the morning they put it on you
Your new coat,
You shouldn't crawl in puddles
And roll on the ground
And climb fences
Hanging from nails.
So as not to spoil or stain
Your new coat,
We need to make it old.
This is done like this:
Get right into the puddle
Roll on the ground
And a little on the fence
Hang on nails.
Very soon it will become old
Your new coat,
Now you can calmly
Have fun in the yard.
You can safely crawl in puddles
And roll on the ground
And climb fences
Hanging from nails.
If you're down the hall
Ride your bike
And towards you from the bathroom
Dad went out for a walk
Don't turn into the kitchen
There is a solid refrigerator in the kitchen.
Better brake like dad.
Dad is soft. He will forgive.
If you are united forever,
Illuminated and lead,
Don't try to dodge
From movement to celebration.
Still will raise to work
And it will inspire you to heroism
You are great and mighty,
And our reliable stronghold.
The main business of your life
Any trifle can become a problem.
You just have to firmly believe
There is no more important matter.
And then it won't hurt
You are neither cold nor hot,
Choking with delight,
Do nonsense.
Hit frogs with sticks.
This is very interesting.
Tear off the wings of flies,
Let them run on foot.
Exercise daily
And a happy day will come -
you to some kingdom
They will be accepted as the chief executioner.
Girls should never be
Not to be noticed anywhere.
And don't give them a pass
Nowhere and never.
They need to put their feet up
Scare from around the corner
So that they immediately understand:
You don't care about them.
I met a girl - quickly
Stick your tongue out.
Let her not think
That you're in love with her.
Starting a fight with dad
Starting a fight with mom,
Try to surrender to your mother, -
Dad takes no prisoners.
By the way, find out from your mother,
Has she forgotten?
Beat prisoners on the butt with a belt
Prohibited by the Red Cross.
If you are the whole world of violence
Are you going to destroy
And at the same time you dream of becoming
Everything without being anything
Feel free to follow us
Along the paved road,
We will give you this path
We might even give in.
Don't settle for anything
With no one and never
And those who agree with you
Call them cowardly.
For this everyone will start you
Love and respect.
And you will have it everywhere
Full of friends.
If there are cockroaches in the kitchen
Marching around the table
And the mice are happy
There's a practice fight on the floor,
So it's time for you to go
Stop fighting for peace
And give up all your strength
To fight for purity.
If you are going to a friend
Bad advice
School and children... There are a lot of rules, Young Assistant School Principal
So that school doesn’t interfere with our lives. And a consultant on individual subjects, You always remember these rules: I will be with you almost until July
They are necessary like food and water. Nice to meet you - Julia Trusova
We will not make new covenants,
This is how we will find answers to questions about school.
So that you can live peacefully,
We need to be friends with humor...
That's why I suggest"Bad advice."
Tip 1
When getting ready to study, don’t rush too much,
Look at what is on the Internet, or films for the soul.
And then without even a shift, without notebooks and a pencil case
You run quickly to school, where the bell is already ringing.
And don’t be afraid of scary notes appearing in your diary -
After all, without them, everyone will remember the lesson much less.
Tip 2 If you are really tired of solving equations, Throw in the trash all the chalk in the classroom that you can find, | |
Tip 3
Tip 4
If your desk neighbor is too busy studying
And he doesn’t want to agree to play anything with you,
Urgently poke a pen at it, push a leaf towards it,
Where, it is clear exactly, he will see a naval battle.
Tip 5
Everyone knows that textbooks are too boring for children.
Color its pages - let it be lively!
Draw horns on Blok, and draw glasses on Akhmatova...
Gogol will look more cheerfully into his red pupils.
What a book! - the brother will say. – I’m very happy for the children!
Tip 6
Are you very bored in class? Do you yawn too often?
Entertain everyone with a loud bark or the buzzing of a bee.
Or bring a little mouse, or a little snake, or a little frog.
Place it in your friend’s briefcase and sit and wait quietly.
Having discovered the living creature in the bag, the girl will scream loudly.
Everyone will come running, stand in a circle, gasp and squeal.
Well, sit at your desk and fill out your diary.
Be confident and calm, you are fully worthy of praise.
You are the best in this class, you are an exemplary student.
Tip 7
And at the end of the unbearable lesson
Bad advice from Mayakovsky:
Everyone knows how to close the circuit
But only the best closes with a finger.
Don't listen to the teacher - don't be like everyone else
Charge your iPad by connecting it to your nostril.
Student! listen to the call and get ready:
Try everything and don’t be afraid one bit.
And maybe at some point - suddenly -
You will write the law... With a spare pair of hands.
There is a secret in every humorous piece of advice.
Maybe you know him, maybe you don’t.
But, having carefully considered the advice,
Can you find the correct answer:
How dangerous it can be sometimes
If you are not friends with your head!
