Most people honor the memory of deceased relatives and consider it their duty to visit the cemetery every year and care for the grave. But ignorance and non-compliance with the rules can lead to unintentional, but sinful actions and deeds.
Most people honor the memory of deceased relatives and consider it their duty to visit the cemetery every year and care for the grave. But ignorance and non-compliance with the rules can lead to unintentional, but sinful actions and deeds. These laws were not laid down by our century; centuries are behind the current rituals. And it has long been a pious Russian tradition to place a cross on the grave mound at the time of burial.
What to do
How can I find out where my aunt was buried? You can search for burial and cremation records at cemeteries in the area where you think your aunt died. You can usually do this online on your local authority's website. If you think your aunt changed her name before she died, you can contact Births, Deaths and Marriages to get marriage, name changes and deaths that apply to her.
More information about tracing family members can be found on our family history page. My family can't agree on where my uncle should rest. What can we do to solve this problem? What happens to the remains of the deceased is usually determined by the executor of the deceased's will. If your uncle's will states what he wanted to happen to his remains after death, you can try to encourage the family to respect those wishes.
According to excerpts from the Bible, it follows that the cross on which Christ was crucified was made from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This tree was described as universal, with a height from the earth to the heavens. Therefore, a cross installed on a grave and rising upward means that although the body of the deceased is in the ground, his soul strives for heaven. As a rule, the cross is placed at the feet so that the deceased resurrected by Christ “can first of all see the cross of Christ and be encouraged by great hope.”
However, it is not uncommon for family members to argue over these issues, especially if the deceased is part of a bicultural family and both sides have different traditions. If your family cannot agree on this issue, your main options are mediation or going to the High Court. Mediation is typically less expensive than legal action, but relies on other family members willing to participate. Getting a case heard in the High Court can be costly and time consuming - if you are planning on going to court it is best to take legal advice first.
The relatives of the deceased have enough time to think about the improvement of the grave. After only a year, during which the land of the burial site will undergo natural changes, it becomes possible to erect a monument. But many Christians believe that until the cross decays, it is not worth introducing innovations into the decoration of the grave and fence. Whatever time the relatives of the deceased consider necessary, before installing the chosen monument, one must remember that the grave cross is a shrine for every believer, which requires special careful treatment.
Sometimes, when someone has died as a result of a traffic accident, the grieving family wants to erect a white cross on the side of the road as a memorial and a reminder to motorists to pay special attention to that part of the road. Please note that different rules apply to other types of roads - check with the owner before proceeding.
Are there pet cemeteries? The rules for burying pets are not as strict as the rules for burying people. It's common for people to bury their deceased pet in their backyard - which is fine as long as the body is buried deep enough to not interfere with gas or water lines.
What not to do
Under no circumstances should the cross be taken to a cemetery garbage dump. Throwing away the cross - a symbol of victory over death - is considered a very serious sin.
Selling a well-preserved cross would also be a blasphemous act.
What can you do
A metal or granite cross can be disassembled and buried in a gravestone.
The wooden cross should be burned and the ashes scattered in a cross pattern for burial.
Christian virtue would be to give the cross to a needy family who at that time needs help with the funeral of a loved one.
You can take it to a temple, if there is one on the cemetery grounds.
There are home cemeteries and cremation services for pets. Some are run by local councils and others are run privately. How soon after death should a monument be commissioned? The monument must be ordered approximately two months after burial, as it takes a significant amount of time to produce. Granite must first be quarried, after which it goes through many processes. However, the most labor-intensive element in the construction of a monument is the construction of the foundation.
Why can’t a monument be erected before a year?
Monuments cannot sink, tilt or fall due to the existence of deep concrete foundations underneath them. The foundations are built for the memorial companies by the cemetery, which has the exclusive right to this work. Only the cemetery knows the exact location of each burial. Cemeteries require one to three months to build a foundation. This period of time is necessary because the foundations must be built in groups located in the same block. The work continues from block to block, from the front of the cemetery to the back.
What to do
Ideal option a combination of both a cross and a monument in the fence is considered.
Not everyone knows that you cannot make any inscriptions on the cross, the only exception being a prayer or an epitaph. Therefore, in front of the cross, you can install a small monument or gravestone with dated information. A small monument is recommended by church ministers, who believe that heavy pedestals crush and strangle the deceased.
Also, in accordance with Christian canons, the monument will be installed opposite the cross. If the cross is at the feet of the deceased, then the monument, accordingly, is at the head. The cross carries a spiritual load, which is very important for the soul of someone who has passed on to another world. The monument, in turn, is intended to preserve information for a long time. Therefore, this combination of material and spiritual principles is considered justified.
If only the monument remains in the enclosure, then do not forget about the obligatory presence of a drawing or engraving of a cross on the stone product. Since without the designation of a cross, there will simply be a soulless block of marble standing on the grave hill.
These are the main options for proper landscaping of a burial site. Choosing an expensive monument or wooden cross will not become indicators of the depth of grief. Permanent and proper care, maintaining cleanliness and order at the grave will much more show the degree of respect for the deceased and preserving his memory.
This cycle takes one to three months in most modern cemeteries. The foundations are built at the head of the graves at a depth of about six feet. They are made of concrete and weigh over a ton when completed. The longer the foundation dries out and settles without a monument erected on it, the more confident you can be of a permanently erected monument. Therefore, it is better to allow as much time as possible between the completion of construction and the erection of the monument. The winter months hinder the construction of foundations because the concrete does not mix during freezing weather.
Some time after the funeral of a loved one, you decided to install a beautiful granite headstone. But the question arises: what to do with the cross that has already stood on the grave from the moment of burial?
The complexity and delicacy of this problem is fueled by superstitions. Nevertheless, the issue of cemetery etiquette is surrounded by many superstitions and signs, many of which only confuse people and do not contain a drop of truth. Here we will look at what can and should be done with the cross from the point of view of logic and religion.
How soon after death should the discovery take place? Although the custom was established to unveil the monument during the eleventh month after death, with the completion of Kaddish, Orthodox Jews often have their revelations at any time after Shloshim has expired. For this they acquire a monument immediately after the period of Shiva. At present the custom appears to be divided between two practices.
Does Jewish custom allow visiting a cemetery before a monument is erected? Most rabbis advise that the unveiling be the first occasion to visit the grave. A more liberal view expressed by some rabbis is that there may be extenuating circumstances to warrant visiting an unmarked grave. It is a custom among Orthodox Jews to seek spiritual guidance from visiting the grave of a deceased parent or spouse. If such a case arises before the monument is erected, permission to visit the grave can be obtained from the rabbi.
It is believed that throwing away a cross is a great blasphemy. This is a symbol of faith in eternal life. In addition, this object towered over the man’s grave for some time; it already, to some extent, bears the memory of him. Therefore, simply throwing away the cross is at least tactless.
It is also not customary to sell crosses. This thing is quite personal, and not an empty everyday object. In addition, not many people will agree to a “used” cross for their loved one.
This is called "asking for shala." How is the opening ceremony held? Openings are usually held before noon if at a local cemetery and about two hours if they are more distant: in Nassau, Suffolk Counties or New Jersey. Immediate family must remain at the grave site until others arrive. They can then be sure that the monument is covered with a naked cloth. This fabric is provided to the family when they receive cards from the memorial company.
Family and friends gather around the grave. The rabbi begins with sayings from the book of psalms, and then he follows with a eulogy on English. After this, he recites El Molech Rashamin and ends with the Kaddish prayer, which involves the sons, brother, etc. although women are not required to participate, it is not illegal. The curtain is removed immediately after reading from the book of psalms.
Cross: into fire or into earth
One option for both a metal and wooden cross is the grave itself. It is buried shallowly in the ground in accordance with the position of the deceased. The cross on it should not be upside down.
If you do not want to burn or bury the cross, just take it to church. Perhaps there it will be given for the funeral of a person from a low-income family or a lonely person.
How soon before release will email notifications sent to family and friends be provided? Cards must be mailed two weeks to ten days before opening. Opening cards are usually provided by memorial companies. Most have cemetery directions printed on the back of the card.
Is it normal to have snacks at an opening? This custom makes cemeteries look extremely insincere. A few years ago, cemeteries were difficult to access and transportation was an all-day affair. Therefore, it was an obligation on the part of the family to see that their friends were fed. At the end of the day, an untidy picnic appeared at the cemetery.
How to leave a cross on a grave and erect a monument
The question is purely personal. If you want to preserve the cross and install a monument at the same time, this is your decision and no one can challenge it.
For church ministers, the cross is a central and obligatory attribute of the grave. When they are buried, the first cross is often preserved, and a small monument is placed under it. This is how churchmen express their modesty and the importance of the spiritual, not the material.
Is it true that soil from one grave cannot be poured onto another?
Nowadays, most people invited to openings still expect something to be served, as is tradition. Scotch, Whiskey or Brandy can be dispensed in miniature paper cups with honey cake or biscuit, cut into small pieces.
Some families choose to gather at the home of an immediate family member after the opening, where refreshments are served. They leave early so the lost can relax after a day of stress and sadness. Is it not necessary for a rabbi to speak at the opening ceremony?
In cemetery practice, there are often monuments installed opposite the cross, at the head of the deceased. This combination symbolizes the unity of the earthly and heavenly.
We manufacture monuments, crosses, fences, tables and benches in our own workshop. You can order a monument from us based on an individual project, in the form of a cross or with additional decorative elements. Kamen Grad employees will fulfill the order in accordance with your requirements and install it in the cemetery.
Although religious law is not required, the rabbi is most familiar with the ritual of performances and corresponding prayers. When choosing a rabbi, it is preferable to choose one who knew the deceased personally. It would also be wise to choose a rabbi whose practice is in harmony with the deceased and the family.
If a rabbi who did not know the deceased is selected, it is recommended that a conference be held with the family prior to the opening. During this discussion, the family may provide the rabbi with a description of the deceased, his character and attributes, the names of his children, etc. some families request that the eulogy be brief and restrained to spare the feelings of immediate family members. This is also a reason to discuss fees. It is necessary to organize transportation of rabbis to the cemetery and back.
