So, what are the advantages of this situation?
A woman owes nothing to anyone. Agree, at least once in your life you have dreamed of an easy relationship in which no one puts pressure on you. You don't have to devote all your free time to your man. If you wish, you can have relationships with several young people. And you don’t have to feel guilty about your permanent partner (of course, if you don’t have a spouse).
Great relationship experience. Communication with the opposite sex allows us to better learn to understand people. Any relationship is a valuable experience that helps us work on our own mistakes.
Have a nice time. Contrary to popular belief, a married lover can give you not only enchanting sex, but also exciting communication. Many couples enjoy visiting theaters, exhibitions, and taking short trips. New man in your life can help you find incentive for self-development and self-improvement.
Distraction from everyday life. Unfortunately, it is everyday life that causes cooling of feelings in many couples. Quarrels and misunderstandings often arise on this basis. With a married lover, you can forget about all these problems. Meetings with him are a celebration of romance.
Fresh emotions. How often in life there are not enough new feelings that make us look at the world differently. The wise mistress of a married man enjoys secret dates, finding in this situation some special zest and piquancy. If you are looking for just such sensations, then periodically you will have to change your lover.
Material support. Having become the mistress of a wealthy man, you will be able to receive pleasant gifts from him that you could not afford before. There is nothing shameful in this: you give him positive emotions, and he pampers you with luxurious surprises.
A lover can provide financial support
Why does a man need a mistress?
Speaking about the rules of behavior for the mistress of a married man, you should first of all understand why men decide to cheat on their spouses. What do representatives of the stronger sex really want from girls? Here are the main reasons for adultery:
A mature man wants to feel young and reckless again. To do this, he chooses young and pretty girls who are ready to give him their own time.
A man gets tired of constant relationships that are filled with scandals and quarrels. He is looking for an opportunity to pour out his soul and talk about his own problems. A man expects understanding and moral support from his mistress. This is not a wife who nags him almost every second.
After being married for several years, a man realizes that he lacks fresh emotions. At home he is met by the same woman, dressed in the same dressing gown. He knows every centimeter of her body, he has thoroughly learned what brings her pleasure in bed. He remembers the names of her favorite perfumes and TV series by heart. He simply lacks variety, not only in sex, but also in relationships.
Sometimes a man wants new emotions
Problems in bed. Intimate relationships in the family often gradually fade away. Unfortunately, the spouses who stop taking care of their own figure and appearance are primarily to blame for this. There are also women who are practically indifferent to sex. So the man has to look for satisfaction on the side.
Revenge. Having suspected or caught his wife of cheating, not every man decides to divorce. Some husbands just take mistresses who help them increase self-esteem.
Thus, in a mistress, a man first of all looks for what he lacks in his own family. And these are exactly the things that once accompanied the beginning of a relationship with his current wife.
A man never decides to cheat in order to have sex. new family. From this follows the first rule of behavior for the mistress of a married man: you should never, under any circumstances, expect the relationship to continue. By allowing yourself to think that one day he will leave his wife and come to you, you are dooming yourself to suffering. Do you need it?
Do not try to tie a man to you with the help of some gifts and nice surprises. Set aside ties, lighters, and perfume for a permanent partner with whom you will be associated serious relationship. The best gift for a lover, it’s you. In beautiful lingerie, a neat outfit, good hair styling and natural makeup. Don't turn into a caring mom.
Don't meddle in your lover's personal life. When you ask him about his family, you most likely will not hear any truth. Most often, men tell their mistresses that they live with their spouses as neighbors, there are no intimate relationships between them, and in general they sleep in different beds. Naive girls believe in this nonsense and... invent feelings on the part of a man. At the same time, the hero-lover himself has a great time with both you and his wife.
A lover should have a private life
Realize that your wife will come first for a man. Even if the feelings have faded away, even if they really have problems with sex, they have been connected for many years life together and possibly common children. In addition, according to numerous surveys, a small percentage of men are ready to sacrifice their usual comfortable living conditions for the sake of a new adventure. Having enjoyed your company, he will go home, where dinner prepared by his wife awaits him. And there’s no point in making a tragedy out of it either.
Don't try to become his second wife. If it turns out that you really have fallen in love with your lover, do not try to take him away from the family by ironing his shirts or pampering him with gourmet delicacies. In this situation, his interest in you will gradually fade away, because there will be no intrigue left.
Don't introduce your man to your relatives. Most likely, a proposal for such a meeting will simply repel a lover, who will decide that you have some kind of desire for him. This rule does not apply to friends and acquaintances.
Do you expect gifts and expensive surprises from your lover? In this case, from the very beginning you must behave like a real lady. When visiting a restaurant for the first time, you should not take your wallet out of your purse and try to pay for yourself. Also teach a man to come to visit you not empty-handed. At the very least, a bouquet of daisies must be present. Be a weak and desirable girl for him.
Don't let your man in on your personal life. You have every right to communicate with other males. Let him know that your relationship will last only as long as you want, not him.
Tell him directly about what doesn't suit you in your relationship. For example, while at your home, he switches the TV to a sports channel. Or he is constantly late for meetings without a good reason. Don't be silent and don't pretend to be a sufferer. A man should know that in front of him is a self-sufficient and confident girl. You don't have to play by his rules.
Be busy with some things. Besides work, you should find an interesting hobby for yourself. Visit gym, courses Chinese language, literary club, go to theaters, etc. A busy life schedule will not only make your life brighter, but will also show your lover that for you he is not the center of the Universe. Let the man independently adapt to the rhythm of your life and find time for dates.
You should always be a little busy with your own affairs
A smart girl uses many ways to attract a man, and a wise woman does it in such a way that the man is sure that everything happens solely on his initiative. Under no circumstances should he decide that it is you who are seeking him, and not he who is seeking you.
Don't be hysterical. If a man once canceled a meeting or was unable to attend a holiday because of his wife, there is no need to cause a scandal. Pretend that you simply didn’t notice it or considered it a trifle. Otherwise, very soon your relationship will simply fade away.
Recommendations for married women who have a married lover
Relationships between unfree people are the most convenient option for connections on the side, because in this situation, you both understand that you are not held by any obligations. However, in this situation, the woman faces a serious problem: she needs to make every effort to ensure that her husband does not find out about the side relationship. To do this you will need to follow these tips:
Never choose as your lover a man who knows your spouse. Often, girls become the object of sympathy best friends husbands. But this option should be abandoned immediately. Sooner or later the secret will become clear.
What does a woman who has a lover look like? New emotions overwhelm her. She smiles and flies on the wings of passion. It is clear from the girl’s eyes that pleasant changes have taken place in her life. Many ladies are starting to pay increased attention your appearance. An attentive husband will immediately notice that something is wrong with you. Immediately come down to earth and stop putting on combat makeup in the morning. Try to make sure that your face does not express anything unnecessary.
The sparkle in the eyes can give away the presence of a lover
- A married lady who has taken a lover begins to come after work much later. Naturally, she informs her husband that she has a lot of things to do, papers that need to be completed, meetings, etc. Get to the bottom of it the real reason This behavior is quite simple. Use an alternative method.
Get yourself a girlfriend with whom you will supposedly attend various events in the city. It’s even worth inviting a friend for tea at your home. 1-2 times a week you can justify your absence by meeting with her. If you wish, you can meet your lover even on weekends. To do this, inform your husband in advance that you are going with Masha/Katya/Sveta to some fashion exhibition, which obviously will not interest him. You can even invite your husband to this event. Obviously, he would prefer to watch football or go fishing with friends.
A good lover will give you some gifts from time to time. If you have new jewelry or expensive dresses, come up with a plausible story about the death of a wealthy distant relative of your mother or aunt. Remember: all labels from items must be thrown away immediately. If the husband suspects something is wrong, he can take a walk to where the goods were purchased. He can easily find out when the purchase was made and how it was paid for.
What to do if your lover invites you on a short trip for a few days? Business travel is a reasonable option. It is advisable that the final destination is not known to your spouse. Naturally, this option is dangerous if your husband is well acquainted with your superiors or employees.
Any correspondence with your lover must be conducted on a company computer. Use your home laptop exclusively for other needs. Otherwise, you risk one day forgetting to log out. social network, and the entire dialogue will be successfully read by the jealous person.
Try not to communicate with your lover on the phone while your husband is at home. If there is an urgent need to call the object of passion, imagine that you urgently need to go buy bread from the nearest store. Another time, go take out the trash or walk your beloved dog.
After a passionate evening with your lover, don't rush to the bathroom. An observant spouse may think that you are trying to quickly wash away the traces of a vicious relationship.
Do not forget that you need to fulfill your marital duty in bed. If you start constantly denying your husband intimacy, he will immediately understand what’s going on. Try not to change your intimate behavior or show your spouse new skills.
Do not allow your lover to leave traces of your sexual games on your body. Scratches and hickeys are direct evidence of your extramarital affair. Any arguments are powerless against such evidence.
A husband can find out about his lover by finding traces of love games on his body
Stay in touch at any time. When away from home, never turn off your phone. Pick up the phone even while in bed with your lover. Confusion can easily be explained by the fact that you are in the fitness room, rushing to a meeting, missing the last bus, etc. In this case, the risk of suspicion on the part of the spouse will be minimized.
Try to make sure that your lover does not have any evidence of your relationship. It's about about joint photographs or even videos... There are situations when a woman, having decided to leave her lover, is blackmailed by him. Protect yourself in advance, because you can never predict what may await you.
Pamper your spouse with delicious dinners and spend enough time with your children. Remember that a lover is a temporary phenomenon. And the family requires full attention on your part.
Don't tell literally anyone about your lover. Even best friend may turn out to be a rare bitch. Be reasonable. You can only trust such serious secrets to yourself. Of course, under no circumstances should you start a personal diary.
Never give in to the temptation to confess to your husband that you are cheating. Even if he somehow finds out that there are rumors that you have a lover. Even if the lover himself decides to annoy you and calls his spouse (and this happens)! In the most unfortunate situation, you can portray yourself as a victim and claim that your lover slandered you because you refused to enter into an intimate relationship with him.
Do not carry condoms in your purse unless you and your husband are using this method of contraception. It is better to purchase condoms immediately before a date.
Do not, under any circumstances, bring your lover to your home. Even if your spouse is on a long business trip, you may be noticed by “friendly” neighbors who will be happy to tell your spouse about what is happening. Ideal option– dates on neutral territory.
How to take your lover away from your family?
Unfortunately, romantic women are not always able to maintain their composure. Many ladies fall hopelessly in love with married lovers. What to do in that situation if you have really strong feelings for this particular man? According to statistics, no more than 5-7 percent of unfaithful spouses go to their mistresses. But there is always a chance. The main thing is to follow wise advice:
Remember that if a man has not left the family after a year of your relationship, he will never do so. Therefore, you need to act much earlier.
Try to study your lover well. He will probably constantly tell you about himself and his problems in his relationship with his wife. Learn his habits and character traits.
Let him know that he can trust you. Be an attentive listener and interlocutor. Keep all his secrets and problems strictly confidential. Do not refuse the help and support he needs if you are able to do something for him.
Remember that a man will leave his wife only for a mistress who will be much better than her. Therefore, you need to spend time on your appearance, visit the gym and always look as neat as possible.
Take care of intellectual enrichment. Men love women who can hold an intelligent conversation on any topic in life. At the same time, you should not try to show your superiority.
Try not to bother your man with your own problems. He shouldn't see your tears and hysterics. With you, he should constantly feel warmth and joy.
If the object of your passion is more than 40 years old, you should exercise maximum caution. You need to determine what this man really wants. Accustomed to a long-term marriage, he will only be able to go to the mistress who can provide him with the most comfortable living conditions.
Learn various sexual techniques. You must become a real master in this matter. Returning home, a man should feel that he is missing something.
Try not to touch on the financial issue. If you need to find out your lover's income level, do it indirectly.
- Never wonder about the future of your relationship. Otherwise, the man will immediately understand that you are deeply in love with him. And that means the game will be lost.
- If a man has children, try to show genuine interest in this issue. Surely he will be happy to talk about his kids. Even if a man stops loving his wife, he will never abandon his children. Your inquiries will show your lover that if you are reunited, you will gladly accept his daughter or son. And no problems like " New wife does not allow you to see children from your first marriage” will not arise.
How to break up with a married lover?
If you realize that your relationship is futile, and over time you become more and more attached to a man, think about how to break this painful connection for you. First of all, you need to understand that your leaving is a conscious choice that will allow you to begin new life without the same pain. Once you decide to break up, don’t change your mind. Don't expect a married lover to come to his senses and leave the family. Most likely, after a while he will simply find a new mistress. Remember that a girl’s youth passes very quickly. If you cannot imagine your life without a full-fledged family, give up married lovers once and for all.
Try to spend the first few weeks after breaking up with your married lover in the company of people close to you. You may need to change your phone number (in case he keeps calling). A good way out of the situation would be a short trip to another city or country. There you can unwind and relax mentally.
You shouldn’t isolate yourself and think that your ex-man – best man in the world, and you won’t find anything like it anymore. Understand that your love would not torture you. If you're lonely, let yourself be turned on new novel with a free young man. Even if he does not become your husband, you are guaranteed to receive a charge of positive energy.
We hope that this article helped you get rid of many of the problems that mistresses of married men face. In any case, you should start to take things a little easier. You yourself are the creator of your own destiny!
It so happened that your relationship with a man began at work. You broke up, but no one wants to quit. How to work with an ex-boyfriend who is constantly in your sight?
As you know, we do not choose the place and time of meeting with our future soulmate. People meet each other anywhere: on the street, on vacation, on a train or plane, in a cafe and at work. And if you don’t get along in character, then you can simply break up and go in different directions. But if you met at work, then there’s no escape: you’ll have to see your ex-passion every day. What to do, how to work with your ex, communicate and build your relationship further?
Of course, it is best in principle not to start any romances at work. After all, it is unknown whether you will be together in the future or not. As a rule, after a breakup there is often a period of conflict, which is absolutely inappropriate in the workplace. But if this has happened and your lover is a colleague, be careful in the future. Loud, scandalous breakups should not be allowed if you still decide to run away. The breakup must be peaceful. And even if he hurt you or deceived you, betrayed you, don’t make a scene, intelligently sort out the relationship and end it smoothly. You can't be enemies; it will be simply impossible to work together after that.
You are unlikely to achieve it, so neutrality is the best that can be. If you just broke up, it takes time for the wounds to heal. Take a wait-and-see attitude and consider the following important points.
- Take the question of how to work with your ex seriously, because you love your job and don’t want to quit. If the relationship ended on your initiative, the abandoned lover, of course, is offended. A civilized person will not show this, but an ill-mannered and wounded man will definitely try to show you his indignation. This can be expressed in barbs and malicious jokes. But the ex-boyfriend can also do the opposite - start ignoring. Be prepared for this and don't pay attention. This will pass with time, when passions subside.
- Be smart, be patient and don’t fall for any provocations. Be friendly and say hello to him, even if he doesn't answer. If you get the opportunity to talk alone, take this chance. Pride is inappropriate here if you really want to stay in your favorite job and not go to it like hard labor. When you are alone, tell your ex-lover that you are grateful to him for everything and wish only happiness in the future. Hint in the conversation that you want you to remain friends. An intelligent person should understand you.
If the relationship left behind a lot of negative emotions, it is difficult to imagine how to work with your ex without remembering these sad details. But the only way out, if you don’t want to leave your post, is to find the strength in yourself to admit that you made a mistake in a person and move on.
It is very difficult to find out that your spouse has cheated on you. But it’s even harder to understand that he works together with his mistress - after all, this means that they will continue to see each other regularly!
If you both decide to start working on repairing your relationship, this becomes a serious obstacle and adds fuel to the fire that is still burning in your marriage. It is clear to both that the first step to healing is to stop contact with your mistress (lover). But under these conditions this is impossible. How can this be?
- Honestly consider changing jobs (yours or your lover's).
Think about what opportunities there are to leave this company or this department, what opportunities there are to find new company or transfer to another department in another building or another city. Do you, as a manager, have the opportunity to transfer your ex-lover to another department or negotiate her transfer to another job on decent terms? Or agree on the dismissal of your mistress at your own request with payment of compensation?
As a rule, when a psychologist asks couples to think in this direction, most clients initially answer unequivocally that this is impossible. At the same time, as a rule, people who turn to a psychologist are residents of large cities; most of our clients are highly qualified specialists in their field. That’s why the first unequivocal reaction sounds somewhat paradoxical: is there really no other position in the whole city where their talents and skills could be in demand? Of course, there are objective difficulties associated with dismissal: loss of work experience in one company, an established team, etc. However, understanding that the world has not converged as a “wedge” on one company greatly increases the effectiveness of work to restore trust in a couple.
Are there any other options?
- Stop fighting with each other, become a single team that together reflects external temptations.
If you want to heal your marriage and your spouse is working with his ex-lover, it is important that you stop treating each other as enemies. See each other as allies with a common goal. “There are you and me, but there is the world around us.” Use the pronoun “we” more often. “We both want to heal our marriage. We both want to make our marriage safe and restore the trust we once had."
According to the experience of consultations, the deceived spouse was always greatly impressed by the phrase spoken out loud: “Honey, I want you to know that you are much more important to me than work.” Sometimes after these words the husband added: “Of course, I’m scared. I don't know when I will be able to find a similar job. I'm worried about how leaving my job will affect our financial well-being. But I, just like you, with all my heart wish for the end of the relationship on the side. If you decide that it will be better, calmer, I will quit.” In many cases these words were spoken quite sincerely.
Such a phrase often produces a powerful effect. In some cases, it was enough. A betrayed spouse may not want the cheating spouse to leave their job because it will affect their overall finances. But for the injured spouse to know that their spouse ready Quitting your job at their word is extremely important. This adds warmth to the relationship.
In other cases, the cheating spouse actually took this radical measure and quit the job where their lover was. Such couples significantly accelerated the work of healing the relationship. Experience shows that, as a rule, they eventually found new job. Not always, but sometimes even more paid than the previous one.
- It's important to see that you have a choice.
If you both agree that it is better for your spouse to stay in the same job, you need to be patient. His ability to manage his feelings will gradually increase, but stability will not come immediately. It is fundamentally important that the cheating spouse understands that he has a choice: to go with his ex-lover to lunch during the break or not. To appear in a common “smoking room”, where there is a chance to meet a former lover, or not. It is important that he resists temptations not “to please” his wife, but following his own inner decision to remain faithful and work on the relationship in marriage. Otherwise, very soon the “teenage” pattern will work: I will allow myself to “be silly” a little while “mom” is not looking.
If you choose to stay at your current job, you cannot change the layout of offices and staircases, you cannot change job descriptions and cancel meetings, however you can change your attitude to occasional meetings at work with his former lover - and this will transform the situation.
- Inform your boss about the situation.
This move has helped many couples. Cheating spouses are usually afraid to tell their managers about the betrayal that occurred. They think it will negatively affect their reputation or even fear that they will be fired. However, most often the opposite happens. A person, by his behavior, sets an example of determination and honesty. A manager may have the authority to transfer his subordinate’s ex-lover to another building, to an office on another floor, or sometimes to another part of the work team in order to minimize the likelihood of former lovers meeting at work.
- Conduct a brainstorming session together to collect ideas on how to maintain a feeling of safety and reliability in the heart of the injured partner.
For example, these ideas could be:
- The cheating spouse can put a photo of their husband/wife (or a family photo) on their desk in the office.
- An unfaithful spouse may call his husband/wife several times during the workday from an office landline number to confirm his love and to enable his spouse to verify his whereabouts.
- The cheating spouse may occasionally invite their spouse to go to a business lunch together in the middle of the work day.
- He can also invite his wife to some informal event at work, where the presence of relatives of employees is allowed. At such events, you can try to give your spouse special attention, show with your eyes and gestures the degree of importance of your spouse in your life (hug, hold hands, etc.).
- Avoid situations where the cheating spouse is alone with his ex-lover in any room at work behind closed doors.
- Discuss on your own or with the help of an intermediary (psychologist) what boundaries and rules you will adhere to when communicating with the opposite sex. It is important that there is general agreement on this issue. Maybe you decide for a while not to say goodbye to friends of the opposite sex in the form of a kiss on the cheek, but limit yourself to a smile and words of farewell.
6. It is important not to create an awkward secret. If you met your ex-lover at work, it is better to tell your spouse about it.
Your goal is not only to create an atmosphere of safety and trust for your spouse, but also to help him (her) regain his (her) self-esteem. If the injured spouse sees that he is included in the team, shared with, and discussed difficulties that arise, it is easier for him to feel safe and loved.
From time to time they remind you of themselves. And not only lovers, but also former first loves, spouses, husbands, and even casual sex partners. Usually, they remind you of themselves on holidays. Just send a congratulatory SMS - why not? How would you like the receiving party to regard such a gesture? As a hint that they remember you and don’t mind remembering you again? Or as a thank you for a good time? Or maybe he was just looking for another number in the phone book, but came across yours and accidentally pressed “send”?
While options for reasons are scrolling through my head, memories pop up in my memory. And not those that are associated with suffering and pain experienced during separation, but those that encourage you to experience emotions again. Is it worth it?
Let's try to understand why those who have long been forgotten come back and find out whether there are advantages in resuming past romances.
The temptation to meet your ex is always there. New is well forgotten old, remember? Now we invite you to look at the situation from the positive side and evaluate the benefits that you will get by restoring the old connection.
- The good thing about the ex is that he is not a stranger. The best and worst aspects of personality have long been revealed. The companion does not need to bother getting to know her partner again: look closely, get used to it, adapt, create the appearance of a “good girl”. This stage has already been passed.
- Forgotten feelings tend to be reborn. If your partner was once in love with her lover, then now it will not be difficult to experience similar feelings. The advantage is that excitement and passion will appear immediately, without long preludes and doubts.
- It is possible to show and prove that from the moment last meeting you have changed - you began to value yourself, for example. When you meet, you can do something that has never been done before and really surprise your chosen one. Isn't it intriguing?
- The intrigue is also in the fact that a lot of time has passed, each of you had other lovers, a different life, separate from each other, which means that you again became “unknown” and a mystery appeared in each of you. Familiar strangers are always intriguing.
- Ex-lovers usually feel guilty. Separation, as a rule, occurs because he once did not dare to leave his wife. So why don't you take the chance to calmly and tactfully discuss who is right and who is wrong? At the same time, free yourself from resentment (in an adequate form). Besides, what's better than a man trying to make amends? In this situation you will be the queen.
- And most importantly, if you have long dreamed of renewing your relationship, but never dared to call your ex, then here is your chance.
But note that pros tend to turn into cons. As at any beginning of any novel, everything here is also good only at first. But this good is more fleeting than in the romances that strangers start. After two or three meetings, both the companion and you will understand that each of you has remained the same, the riddle will turn out to be an ordinary illusion, and stormy life- just an appearance. Therefore, the relationship will very quickly (faster than usual) come to the stage at which you broke up.
What do “reminders” about yourself mean?
Now we will look at several examples from real life of beautiful people who were faced with reminders from a not entirely pleasant past.
Let's start by clarifying the real reason why he wants to return.
It may be primitive, but the reason is sex. And there is no need to be upset that you were never able to achieve emotional affection from your partner. If you still have feelings and you don’t mind meeting again, then use sex for your own selfish purposes. Don't be shy. Men are designed in such a way that at the moment of conquering a sexual goal they are ready to do anything. After all, it is the process of hunting, in the understanding of the stronger sex, that is the very love that a lady strives to receive. Therefore, don’t give up quickly, enjoy the moment and get as much of what you want from the “hunter” as possible.
But let’s leave the hunt and move on to deciphering the strange behavior of the male sex with the help of the psychologist’s answers.
Question: A lover has a habit of calling and apologizing, but does not offer to restore the former connection. What does it mean?
Answer: that means he is waiting for the girl herself to take the initiative. This is a special type of man who likes to have the advantage in his hands. By offering to meet, you will give him a trump card - to break down, think, allow himself to be persuaded and thereby maintain control over the situation. Everything is simple here - this type is characterized by sick pride. However, like those men who brag to their former mistress about their new passion. If the couple broke up and the girl found someone else, then the guy just needs to do the same in revenge. And it is necessary that the ex finds out about this. This way he will prove that he is in great demand among beauties and that he has settled down well (certainly better than you). In fact, he cannot bear the fact that you, who remained HIS, now belong to someone else.
Question: a man shows signs of attention, but does not invite him on a date. How should we evaluate this behavior?
Answer: Perhaps it is just politeness and courtesy. If the breakup was painless, such attention is normal. However, he may also be testing the waters to find out if you would like to meet again? Since refusal would be a blow to self-esteem, the partner chose the tactic of slowly moving towards the goal. When he is convinced that the lady is not indifferent, he will take the first step.
Question: But here is the situation that was already mentioned earlier - every holiday the mistress receives congratulations. To respond or not to respond?
Answer: You should answer only if the girl wants her ex-lover to return. But if there is no desire, then it is better to ignore. Where is the guarantee that he has not turned on the general mailing mode and that several other ex-present-futures do not receive identical congratulations along with you? A man who wants to bring back the past associated with you will not limit himself to postcards alone. He will do things. And this can be explained by the fact that he is trying to smooth out your breakup, which, apparently, was not very beautiful. He tries to cover up bad memories with such little pleasantries, to show you that he is not offended, hoping that you will respond in kind.
Is it worth dredging up the past?
It all depends on how you broke up, how much you went through alone and how you got out of depression. If a girl has been in an emotional “hole” for a long time, then there is definitely no point in getting together again. Remember how painful the rehabilitation period was. For men it’s a little simpler - having broken off one sexual relationship, they easily start another. Emotionally, they are attached only to mothers and wives. This rarely concerns lovers. Therefore, when you take him into bed, you will return not to your former romance, but to the very point of conflict at which you parted. A repeat will occur: old wounds will open, you will want to get rid of grievances, you will again stumble upon misunderstandings, a quarrel will break out, etc. In the end, you will both regret that you decided to meet.
If people parted ways amicably, without hard feelings, then the connection can be resumed. This often happens to those who are married, do not want to get a divorce, but also do not want to “enjoy” only a bland family life.
There are also more complicated cases. Some men remind themselves because they feel incomplete in past relationships. Perhaps the connection was interrupted on the initiative of the lady, and she managed to live through the completion stage, but her partner did not.
The problem is that the young man himself often has no idea what is guiding him. A lady, receiving “reminders” from her ex, will experience discomfort and, possibly, a feeling of guilt for having made the decision to break up on her own. And a guy in such a situation is often annoying, which only makes the situation worse. A woman may respond to him with rudeness or irritation, because, feeling guilty, she does not want to admit her feelings. After all, in fact, no one owes anyone anything. In this case, it is recommended to talk openly with your partner and find out why the former lover returned, what is his goal? The lady should admit that she is not comfortable refusing meetings every time. If necessary, apologize for your past actions and offer to separate forever.
How to behave with your lover in order to get maximum pleasure from the relationship and minimum mental anguish , is a whole science. The option of a union with a married man is suitable for a married lady or a woman who does not want encroachment on personal freedom.
Meetings and holidays with romance, bright sex and other attributes will brighten up gray everyday life, make you feel welcome, special, and give fresh emotions. You shouldn’t count on spending the weekend together; you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that you can call and write to your lover only at the agreed time.
What to avoid when communicating with a man
Some “forbidden” relationships pass quickly, others can last for years. Much depends on how much the partners value each other, for which the duet was originally created (sex, romance, communication).
If a man lacks mutual understanding, tenderness, and unity of souls at home, then with a competent approach from his mistress, it will be possible to build a relationship format that satisfies the needs of the partner.
Major mistakes should be avoided.
His family is sacred
It can be hard to accept that your loved one belongs to someone else. It is necessary to clearly understand from the very beginning that until a man independently decides to separate from his wife, nothing will be done for a divorce. You can gently guide him, but do not push him.
Decide at the start whether it is acceptable in your relationship to talk about household chores, problems, discuss spouses, children, parents. If yes, the woman should be sympathetic, she cannot speak sharply, categorically about what is happening, or criticize.
Men often take the position “only I can beat my slaves”; any rude word said to his family can turn him against his mistress.
You shouldn’t force the situation by making your presence known by calling and texting your wife. It is not a fact that, faced with a choice, he will not make it in favor of his legal wife, not wanting changes in life, an established routine. Discuss the time and methods of communication. Is it possible to call, write, at what time?
No self-interest
Men understand perfectly well when they want only money, connections, and practical help. The lover in fact owes nothing to his chosen one.
If he has a desire to make her life easier and more pleasant in a way accessible to him, he will certainly take advantage of the situation that arises. It is worth voicing some points in which his participation would be appropriate, but in an informative style, without demands. The stronger sex, interested in a woman, perfectly hears and understands hints.
You can’t be offended because he takes his family on vacation to an exotic resort and gives his mistress inexpensive jewelry as a gift. Speaking in a negative way runs the risk of getting a rude, unpleasant response.
His conscience will definitely not awaken from a note of protest. If the material component is important, you need to initially look for a sponsor.
Put aside the drama
A sure way to ruin a relationship is to create demonstrative suffering. A mistress for a man is a holiday that allows him to escape from the burden of problems, responsibilities, and worries.
He craves lightness, positivity, sensual pleasures - anything, just not a picture of hand-wringing over a failed call, rescheduled for another date, or a suddenly interrupted meeting.
The girl should not reprimand him for the fact that she cooked dinner, prepared herself for the visit, planned the scenario for the evening, but her lover could not come. It can be difficult for single people to spend weekends and holidays alone. It is advisable to organize your life in such a way that it is quite full and bright, and the visits of a man complement it.
How to behave with a married man if you are a mistress
Ringed representatives of the stronger sex are in no hurry to exchange the reliable rear of their home for the apartment of their mistresses . They happily find time for meetings, give attention, affection, present pleasant surprises, but nothing more.
Men are not inclined to take steps towards a new life when falling in love, unlike the weaker sex.
When dating a married man, you need to understand what he is looking for, what missing elements he is trying to fill, preferably:
- be able to find connecting factors and interests;
- have a similar worldview;
- be friends, listen, understand, provide support;
- do not be shy to openly express positive emotions and feelings.
- maintain individuality.
With this approach, a couple builds a harmonious relationship, cemented not only by sex, but also by spiritual unity.
How to behave with your lover so that he is afraid of losing you: psychology
In order for the admirer not to relax, he must be kept in a slight tone, but not slide into an outright provocation of jealousy. He must understand that the girl’s life does not revolve around his person, it is rich and interesting. You shouldn’t show that the light in the window comes on only during his visits.
A woman develops, learns something, reads, goes to various events. Let him know about it. Just don’t say that you visited the exhibition in the company of a handsome colleague: men are jealous, even when they have no moral right to be so.
A bad option is to hang on to him, pester him with calls and messages. Let the guy feel a constant slight hunger for communication, but don’t be afraid to show that his calls and visits bring joy.
It is useful to show character from time to time, not agreeing to anything that goes against personal desires and plans.
How to behave with a lover so that he himself is drawn to a woman
Representatives of the stronger sex love themselves most and when they are loved. The atmosphere of warmth, lightness, joy attracts them like a lantern of moths.
This is why they make friends on the side. You need to be different: calm, eccentric, quiet, submissive, capricious. Let him not know in advance which girlfriend is waiting for him today. It’s nice when a lady is unobtrusively interested in business and asks how an important event or meeting went. This shows concern for his life, participation.
What should behavior be like in bed?
As natural as possible. Two people end up in the same bed for mutual pleasure. A common female mistake is to portray a model on the catwalk: I lie down like this, the folds on the side are not visible, etc. A normal adult man at such a moment does not care about cellulite, the “not so” curve of the hip, the length of the legs.
He considered all this before sex. Since it happens more than once, it means that all his physical characteristics are quite satisfactory to him. Gradually, it is worth studying the tastes of your chosen one, do not hesitate to talk about erotic topics, and compare fantasies. The coincidence of temperaments, level of openness to new things and experiments is the basis for a harmonious long-term relationship.
How to seduce and make someone fall in love with you so that you don’t leave?
Seduction is a game of two, everyone must understand the rules, tactics and strategy. What does he want and what do they want from him? A woman should be sexy: not vulgar, vulgar, eager to break, but soft, mysterious, alluring.
Taming is a long and painstaking process. It is necessary to induce in a man a number of habits associated with passion. You shouldn’t immediately try to embrace the immensity.
Enter your lover's life on soft paws, gradually expanding your range. Maneuvering between submission, a man’s adoration and preserving her own character, habits, and individuality, a wise girl will be able to become indispensable.
How to tame and manipulate him?
, get an idea of what reactions to events he gives, how they manifest themselves, how openly, how intensely. Observation and intuition help in exploring the depths of the chosen one’s personality.
Some situations that cannot be studied in natural conditions can be “modeled” or created artificially. Needed here subtle game: guys, of course, relax, lose their vigilance in the presence of a young lady who pleases their hearts, but not all of them and not always.
You need to learn to notice the connection between words and the response to them, especially from facial expressions and the body.
What to do if it gets cold?
In any relationship there are dips in interest. If it becomes noticeable that your lover is no longer so eager to go on dates, carving out any minute, then you need to ask yourself whether you want to do something about it, maintain contact, or whether you can, with a clear conscience, let the situation take its course and not regret it.
Don't want to carry out resuscitation measures? Great, part on a good note, without scandals, accusations, or reproaches.
Do you value relationships and are ready to save them? Show unobtrusive care, generosity, tact. Perhaps the guy has falsehoods in his work, health, family, and has no energy left for “left” relationships. Offer help where you can really be useful.
How to behave if you are also married
Ladies have lovers for various reasons: they may lack attention at home, sex, affectionate words, admiring eyes, compliments, warmth, and attention.
Boredom comes last. When men are asked why they need an affair, many answer that in general everything is fine at home: the wife is smart and beautiful, the kids are adorable, but there is no drive, it’s bland. The weaker sex more often gets what it lacks, falling into a dangerous delusion.
Having received what they need from the “left” partner, they fall in love with him so much that they are ready to tell the whole world to hell and build a life with him. Wonderful, wonderful, subtle, gentle!
Forgetting that he may only be like this in the role of a boyfriend. At home, he is an ordinary husband, tired, preoccupied with problems, forgetting about the need for tender words and regular kisses. Advice from psychologists: you need to set priorities and not fall into illusions.
Not worth it:
- Ignore sex, spending time with your husband.
- Forget about contraception.
- Involve your friends in the novel.
- Neglect measures to create an impeccable reputation.
A pair of married lovers is the best tandem: both outline a set of rules that are strictly followed. It’s more difficult with single admirers: you need to instill in them the understanding that there should be no calls, messages, or other compromising moments at night or in the evening.
Portrait of an ideal lover
The ideal is unattainable, but it is necessary to strive for it. Surveys among guys made it possible to create an image of a lady whom the vast majority would like to see as their mistress.
Flawless appearance
From the ends of the hair to the heels. Delicate skin without obvious flaws, natural makeup, clean hair - this is what all men celebrate.
Frankness and emancipation
The last thing potential lovers would like to do is play the game of “guess what I’m offended by” or “persuade me into sex.” Many people have enough of this kind of stuff at home.
Spontaneity of behavior (not to be confused with bad manners), initiative in bed, and readiness for bold experiments are encouraged.
Fighting girlfriend
A lover and a friend rolled into one is priceless. A young lady who is able to share the hobby of her chosen one, or at least try to understand what he saw in it, instantly receives +1000 points to karma.
Easy and joyful
With a skillful approach, a lady can play up any feature of appearance or character, presenting it as a highlight. Except for the eternally sad face.
Constant universal sorrow in the soul and on the face poisons the joy of communication. Few people want to be an eternal mixture of a jester and a psychoanalyst. More positive, pleasant emotions.
What are men afraid of in such relationships?
When entering into a relationship with a mistress, men are most afraid of the following moments:
- What does the wife find out about the fact of the “leftist”.
- That the mistress will become pregnant.
- That the mistress will insist on leaving the family and remarriage
Most fears are in the area of what love relationship will require some excessive effort, turning from an exciting but simple game that can be interrupted at any moment into a problem that requires solutions, often complex and unpleasant.
